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Grapevine : August 2010
that my third wife was all but done with me, six years into the marriage. She was always afraid to come home to an angry drunk. I sat out on my back porch with a gun in my mouth and listened to the disease screaming at me that this was the only way out. Then I heard a voice within me say, "You need to get back to AA." My dad had told me that before he died. He told me that all of us need fellowship, whether from church or, in my case, AA. He'd explained to me that my spirit was broken and lost, and that the only way to find it again was to ask God for direction. He died on October 19, 2002. It wasn't until May 8, 2003, when I was praying for guidance at his grave, that a voice again said, "You need to get sober." This time the voice was so loud, I looked around to see if someone was actually there. It seemed like I cried for hours. I don't question to- day whether it was my dad or God. This was my spiritual awakening. The next day I walked through the doors of AA again. Since that day I have had many spiritual experienc- es. Some of them were so small that in the beginning I used to take all of them for granted, thinking they were mere coincidences. Today my life is awesome! Chaotic at times, but awesome. My wife---who was ready to leave me--- and I will celebrate our 14 th wed- ding anniversary in November. I have a strong relationship with my son and granddaughter. The brother who took me to my first meeting is coming up on four years sober. Due to the Twelve Steps and good friends who I have come to love, I have zero resentment in my life most of the time. And if I do choose to ac- quire a resentment, I have the tools to release it. I am more humble today because I have faced my past humili- ations and fears. I am able to recog- nize most of my emotions, whether they are healthy or unhealthy ones. And if I can't see a defect, then some- one in my home group will be glad to point it out to me. I know I need to keep coming to meetings, because I want to stay teachable. If I don't remain teach- able I am not able to see the changes that I need. Today I live in the now. The Steps have given me a freedom I never thought possible. Today is a great day to be sober, and if God al- lows me the time, tomorrow will be a great day also. John C. Palm Bay, Fla. Then I heard a voice within me say, “You need to get back to AA.” My dad had told me that before he died. Grapevine 47