by clicking the arrows at the side of the page, or by using the toolbar.
by clicking anywhere on the page.
by dragging the page around when zoomed in.
by clicking anywhere on the page when zoomed in.
web sites or send emails by clicking on hyperlinks.
Email this page to a friend
Search this issue
Index - jump to page or section
Archive - view past issues
Grapevine : January 2011
blackouts. Plus, I would lose track of my purse. My drunken outbursts were becoming less amusing to my friends. I started seeing doctors for insomnia. They diagnosed me with depression, and I began abusing the pills that were prescribed for me. Of- tentimes, I took the pills while I was drinking to increase the effect. Eventually, I found a full-time job designing for a popular magazine. When I started succeeding in my career, again my drinking increased. There were frequent happy hours with coworkers that included af- ter-hour parties. I tried increasing my tolerance so I could party longer and harder. Many times I threw up halfway during the night so I could drink more. I couldn't keep up with the de- mands at work. After I quit my job, I drank daily. I was depressed, and couldn't sleep or eat. I couldn't hold a job. I stayed in bed all day until it was time to hit the bar. I would spend the night out alone and sit at the bar for hours, feeling pathetic while I drank. Sometimes, after closing the bar, I returned to the apartment with strangers and continued boozing. Drinking wasn't fun anymore, but it was the only thing I felt compelled to do. I hoped I was drinking enough to kill myself, but it wasn't happening fast enough.AFTER five years of misery, my roommate asked me to leave the apartment. The only option I had was to move into my mother's new house with her new hus- band. When I left Brooklyn, I was broken. I had hit an emotional bottom, and I drank daily to numb the pain. My mom and I battled con- stantly. I tore through her house's ample liquor supply in a matter of weeks. A couple of months later, I managed to get two DUIs, less than a week apart. Then came another geographi- cal solution. I moved to Long Beach Island, N.J., where I landed a job---a new beginning that offered me hope. To myself, I swore that I would con- trol my drinking. That newfound re- solve didn't last long. Though I tried, I was incapable of not drinking. I was bringing bottles of spring water filled with vodka to work. The boss fired me after a couple of warnings. Still, I was determined to stay at the beach. I raced through job after job, always supplying ample reason for termination. Since my license was revoked, I rode my bike everywhere. Sometimes I hitchhiked. I was alone MymomandI battled constantly. I tore through her house's ample liquor supply in a matter of weeks. 28 January 2011