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Grapevine : January 2011
If you take a small, precious living creature and make a home for it in a bowl of alcohol and drugs, eventually it will not know much about anything. If the creature spends a lifetime in the bowl and a moment of divine intervention plucks it out, it is a lucky start, but there is no reversal to "normal." There is only learning everything for the very first time.I was stark raving sober my first year. Every minute of every day of the first 365 days was a brand new experi- ence. It was like being a newborn. The first birthday, the first Mother's Day, the first shower, all the anniversary grief, writing the first letter without a glass of wine in hand, were as foreign to me as walking on the moon. I did not know I could have died EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY NEWCOMERS INTO ACTIO from the with- drawal of all the alcohol I had been con- suming, and that had been consuming me. I really didn't see myself as that bad. The shaking and spasms of withdrawal knocked me to consciousness, and the woman who said she was my sponsor at my first meeting promised me that if I just didn't pick up one drink for one day, I would never have to go through this again. I called her on the phone about six times a day. She worked in a very quiet carpet store and had the time to speak to me and soothe me through the next hour until she got off work and could pick me up for the meet- ing. I had taken a leave of absence Hot fudge sobriety The road back to normal is not always straight 42 January 2011