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Grapevine : January 2011
frontrunner to an AA commitment, at least for someone not early in recovery fighting a drink. Also he knew that if necessary, I could carry the meeting on my own. After a few unanswered phone calls to other group members to find a replacement for my co-speaker, and a ride, of course, (recall the promised precipitation) with no luck, the in- evitable blessing of this opportunity for service began looking so much more like a burden. So as the hour started to near for me to begin to dress and get on my bicycle for my less-than-10-minute peddle to "Bronx State," the lazy and undisciplined side of my nature started rearing its ugly head and scrambling for an accept- able out. In came the voice of "The Great I Am." After all, I had taken the lion's share of the outgoing commitments at the business meeting this month and thus far fulfilled every one. I was always responsible and conscientious when it came to fulfilling the group's commitments. I was more than enti- tled to be a slacker just this once, was I not? Not to mention that the prom- ised rain was beginning to be deliv- ered in the way of a steady drizzle. Besides they are mostly addicts over there, part of the reason some mem- bers of our "alcohol only" group want to give up this commitment. In addition, a lot of them just sleep anyway or gaze out the win- dow and can't wait until the speakers leave so they can watch TV. Speaking of which, I never saw this episode of Criminal Minds and it seems like a good one. Lots of seemingly viable lame excuses for a mind like mine, ever ready to believe the lies You have heard it said, and it is a fact, that the disease of alcoholism is fatally progressive if left unchecked. Just as factual are the progressive natures of the recovery process and inversely the progression of negative thoughts and actions, or inactions. Well, as one who is joyfully and painfully aware of both ends of that spectrum and prone to backsliding into quite undisciplined thoughts and behaviors, I am extremely grate- ful that for this day at least, I chose to hear and heed the words that my sponsor has spoken many times at meetings, words that I am account- able for sometimes disregarding and feeling guilty about later: "Turn off the TV and get to a meeting. The TV will not get drunk, but you might!" But for the grace of God, I got outofmyownwayand"Imoveda muscle and changed a thought." Be- cause of hearing my Higher Power's voice of truth as opposed to the use- less lies the lower power is always trying to sell me, I became part of the solution as opposed to remain- ing a part of the problem and the burden that my negative self (which will always be with me to greater and lesser degrees) was projecting this one-hour commitment to be, Grapevine 53