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Grapevine : February 2011
I'M grateful to the gay men and lesbians who had the courage to start gay AA meetings here in Southern California in the 1960s. When I arrived here I had not surrendered, but I did have the desire to stop drinking. I had never slept in a doorway, eaten out of a dumpster or injured someone driving in a blackout. I had always felt out of place as a human being and my first years in AA were no di erent. ose early men and women who started the gay meetings shared their stories and their recovery, and gave me the hope to keep coming back. One gay man shared about coming out of a blackout stand- ing in front of his car; the car was Somehow I got it into my head that if I were not gay, I wouldn't be having these problems. (My straight friends laugh at me today when I tell them this---as if being straight would make me not an alcoholic. But hey, I was only five months sober and still a bit wacky.) I was also troubled by God's will for me. I was still working on the Third Step at that time and I truly wanted to know what God wanted me to do. I reached a point during the night, around 3 A.M., alone and very upset, when I became willing to do whatever God wanted me to do, no matter what. I said to God, in all honesty and sincerity, that if he didn't want me to be gay, then I would change. I needed an answer and I really needed someone to talk with about this. It was late, and my sponsor wasn't answering the phone. I couldn't call some of my friends at that late hour, and besides, I wanted a completely unbiased opinion about the topic and my friends were mostly gay or lesbian. I decided to call the local AA central office and talk with whom- ever answered. When a woman an- swered the phone, I began to cry. I poured out my story about wanting to stay sober no matter what, and not knowing what God wanted me to do about my sexuality, dating and life in general. I rattled on and on, telling it all. At the end, I told her I was calling for a completely unbi- ased opinion---and that I really need- ed to know what she thought. She told me that, while AA had no opinion on outside issues, she personally couldn't give me an unbiased opinion because she was gay herself. She assured me that it was possible for her to be gay and HAPPY, JOYOUS AND GAY 26 February 2011