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Grapevine : February 2011
32 February 2011 I thought of the sug- gestions I'd been hearing at the AA meetings. One of them---"Let Go and Let God"---popped into my head. is annoyed me even more. e idea of asking God to li the other end of the TV and help me get it into the truck seemed even sillier than asking an elderly person with a cane. I didn't need such foolish- ness. I needed practical- ity. And I needed it now. Still, the thought persisted: Trust God. I decided to get rid of this idea by trying it out, having it fail and moving past it to something more constructive. In a voice dripping with scorn, I actually said out loud, "OK, c'mon, God. Help me move this TV." As I said these words I turned my back on the TV and leaned my butt against it, relaxing for a moment while I tried to think up a real solution to my problem. As I leaned against it, the TV rolled gently across the hardwood floor. I almost lost my balance, I was so sur- prised. I stepped up to the TV again and gave it a little push. e thing had little wheels on the bottom of it! Two minutes later I was pushing it into the truck. It was the easiest thing I moved all day. I'd heard no one's experience on Step Two. I was not reading the Big Book; my sponsor was not taking me through it, either, so I was confused. I didn't want to believe in God. I was scared to use the word. I felt uncomfortable for those who did, although I had called out to him once or twice when I was in real danger and I was led to safety. I would lie in bed wondering about what those church people knew that I didn't, but I was afraid of them, so I wasn't going to approach them and ask. As a child I went to church a number of times with two of my sib- lings. We stole the tithe our parents gave us, spending it on lollies. Eventually the elders told us to leave, because we laughed too much. We lied and told our parents we didn't want to go back. Now sober, I visited two di erent churches, seeking this Higher Power I was meant to have. I didn't find it and I decided church UNDER THE GINKGO TREE