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Grapevine : February 2011
move around I started to see clips in my mind of the night before. It had been my 35th birthday. To celebrate, I got together with a bunch of friends at the local bar where I used to work. When they went home, I stayed out. During the end of my drinking, I had two sets of friends---one set that I started the night out with, and one set that I finished the night with. I would find my way home and help myself to my wine cabinet, a wooden and glass cabinet four feet high and about two feet wide. I made sure I kept it stocked for Sundays when the liquor stores were closed and for when I finally came home and wasn't completely ready to pass out. At this point in my life, I numbed myself to complete blackness every night. I was trying to stop the memories. I could not bear to remember anything that I had lived through, the poor choices I had made and the pain I had caused. I tried to get enough strength to get up and see if I was seriously hurt. I worked my way into the bathroom. I had glass stuck in my back and the side of my leg, but the cuts weren't se- rious. I threw up, took a shower, and had a ginger ale and a "happy pill." That is what I needed for the drive into work. IcalledintoworktosayIwas going to be really late. I called my best friend to help me put together the pieces of the previous night. My friend said at some point my ex-fian- cé had shown up just to wish me a happy birthday, give me a card and leave. I was fine until a certain song came on the radio, and then the boo- hoo switch turned on. I was wallow- ing in my misery and repeating how I had lost the one man who loved me. I was fortunate that he and I were at a point where we were cordial Grapevine 37