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Grapevine : February 2011
Ialmost died and I know it, Mom. Iwanttolivea little." My son spoke these words to me one morning when I was struggling to get out from under a hangover. My son had nearly been killed Valentine victory each night for months. I asked when I didn't mean it. I asked when I did not want to ask. I kept asking. Time marched on. I did more Step work, more service. Along the way, my jaw loosened and I found myself genuinely asking for the knowledge of his will for me in my work life, in my family life, in my relationships, in my home arrange- ments and so on. Further still, I came to ask that I be provided with what my Higher Power knew I needed to do his will. I recognize that my discontent was all-consuming because I sim- ply did not have what I wanted! My instincts were far out of bounds. It seems that my ego had regenerated, not a little, but a lot. I believe that my extreme self-centeredness and lack of gratitude took root because I had not become useful, I had not cleaned house enough and I had not made a consistent effort to bring my will into alignment with my Higher Power's will for me. Over many months, I developed clarity and a deeper understanding of Step Three and, more broadly, the design for living that is the Twelve Steps. I have grown to appreci- 46 February 2011