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Grapevine : March 2011
I have been told that alco- holics are the only people who can take a simple pro- gram and break it down into its most complicated form. I have no trouble believing that this is so, I watched myself do it countless times in sobriety. When I first came into the pro- gram of Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't understand anything I heard there. The phrases were different, the ideas were different, the laughter and understanding were different. It was like I'd stepped into another country and didn't understand the language. I thought it was too com- plicated and that I'd never be able to understand it. Later, when I gradually slipped into the Fellowship, it was the suc- cess of the program that was too much for me. I knew I'd never find the miracle. After all, my whole life had been one failure after another--- Off with the blinders A member finds a way to hold on to the pink cloud why should this be any different? The example of so many people finding the peace and happiness I longed for was not enough. I was different, and I was sure it wouldn't work for me. Nevertheless, I found a spon- sor and began working the Steps. Almost immediately, I began ex- periencing the Promises scattered throughout the Big Book and no- ticed that I was feeling some of that peace and happiness I thought would always elude me. This wasn't enough, of course, and I began to panic over the Steps I hadn't got- ten to yet. They were too hard. I'd never be able to do them. All these gifts were going to slip away from me and I'd drink again. There was a definite pattern here, folks, and I still couldn't see it. Not content with the endless, patient assurances I was receiving, I kept complicating the program and setting myself up to fail. 50 March 2011