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Grapevine : March 2011
IhavebeeninandoutofAA for a year and a half; this time I have over 30 days so- ber. I have learned that all that matters is today. I have today. I have recently been struggling for a perception of God. Deep inside I know I have faith in him, but it's like a dim flame. I prayed to my God that he would help me with this. I asked him to show himself to me in a way that I could understand, in a way that I may be comforted. When I was just a little girl of 9, my beloved father passed away. He was my everything. He was ev- erything safe, strong and good. I remember him singing to me the song, "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands." Coming from a child in a grown-up body, who didn't have a very good childhood, this is one memory I truly cherish. I was at a meeting last week and someone mentioned that she pictured herself in God's great big hands. I re- member her holding her hands out as if she was actually cupping something small. Last night I was at another meeting. I sat in this meeting with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart. I really was half paying attention when a lady named Sue began speak- ing. It was hard not to pay attention to Sue because she directed her talk- ing at me. Sue told how she too had panic attacks and how it helped her to lay in a fetal position and visualize God holding her in his cupped hands. She put her hands out in the cupped position that I had witnessed less than a week prior. After the meeting I went up to Sue and asked her if she was the one last week who gave the same analogy. She assured me it wasn't. I haven't figured out who it was last week that said the same exact thing and it really doesn't matter, because I am convinced that it was my God answering my prayer and it took two people for me to finally hear him. It was God speaking to me through my AA family. It was God showing me in terms that I could understand that if I believe, if I have the faith, I can feel him holding me in his hands. I can be safe. That dim flame has gotten a lot brighter. God has made it clear that he is always there for me. He has the whole world in his hands! Lisa Z. Buffalo Grove, Ill. Iwasata meeting last week and someone mentioned that she pictured herself in God's great big hands.... She directed her talking at me. Grapevine 55