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Grapevine : May 2011
M y place of employ- ment for the last 25 years offers me the best opportuni- ty to apply the prin- ciples of alcoholics anonymous. I have spent more time here than any- where else, over half my life, mostly practicing my character defects. Like anything else practiced repeat- edly (it makes perfect, after all), I have gotten very good at being self- ish, self-centered, full of self-pity and dishonest. It has been difficult to change in this part of my life. what I do today is try and apply the principles, the key word being try. I have experi- enced growing pains in sobriety, but, gratefully, God has given me the willingness to persevere. I have gone through the twelve Steps with a focus on my work relationships, which revealed the deep-seeded feelings I bring to the table, the main one being fear. These feelings get triggered constant- ly throughout the day. The opposite of fear is faith, and since both just not the right fit at this crazy job, I knew, deep down, that they were wrong. I was a great fit, just not for them. I would always fit in at AA and never had to worry about whether I would be discarded like I had just been at my former job. It was a terrible blow when it happened. But, that night, I went to a meeting and talked about my devastated feelings. I talked about how I was scared out of my skin that I would not be able to pay my bills, and how I felt, once again, like I did not fit into my life. The difference today is that I know how to deal with feelings of not fitting in, and, with the help of my friends in AA, I know how to heal myself. By simply going to a meeting and sharing my story and the day’s events with others at the meeting, I would, once again, feel like I fit. This was not, of course, a magic answer to the real problems I was now facing, the loss of my income, dignity and self-respect. These prob- lems were still there, and there was Serenity Chair God, grant me the serenity... Keeping peace at your desk takes tools. 26 May 2011 GRAPE_22-27.indd 26 4/4/11 4:27 PM