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Grapevine : May 2011
Unfortunately, I had not done the Step work necessary to have a good, healthy relationship. Over and over my sponsor warned that it would never work until I did the Steps and cleaned up the wreckage of my past. I wanted to be with him, grow old together and have a family, but we both brought those old hurts with us. Eventually, we parted and, yes, I got drunk. This drunk was the worst yet. In three weeks, I lost 20 pounds and truly wanted to die. My AA family was worried I would not pull out of this dark place, but, by the grace of God and having AA an- gels in my life, I saw the light and reached out for help. Over these last four months, I have become willing to go to any lengths. I have a hunger and a desire to get better, not just to stay sober. I do not want to be sick emotionally any more or chose a partner who is sick. I am seeing things with new eyes and feeling things with a new heart. The hardest thing I have ever done is to look at myself, admit my part and my actions, make amends and trust God. I have a sponsor who is truly an angel. She has held my hand and guided me to become the woman God wants me to be. I am walking through pain and grieving loss for the first time. I have no desire to be in another relationship. I heard a great speaker say that he thought he had been in 20 different relationships, but in sobriety he’d figured out that he had only been in one relationship 20 times. I could so relate to that. I want to be well, to be capable of loving and of being loved, if God sees fit to bring someone special into my life. I am blessed to have many wonderful women I share my life with. I chair meetings often, and do service work any chance I can. God is my rock, my best friend and has saved me (for today) from picking up a drink. He is healing my heart and guiding me to a life where I am of service to others and can walk freely in my skin. No, I do not have everything I want, but I have more than I ever did, includ- ing a freedom I never fathomed. I am learning how to live sober and happy. Today, I have hope. Margie S. Columbus, Ga. I heard a great speaker say that he thought he had been in 20 different relationships, but in sobriety he’d figured out that he had only been in one relationship 20 times. I could so relate to that. 38 May 2011 GRAPE_32-38.indd 38 4/5/11 4:00 PM