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Grapevine : May 2011
Really drunk I got home from the pub last night and my wife said, “I can’t believe how intoxicated you are.” “I’m not drunk,” I said, denying it. “Yes, you are.” “No, I’m not.” “Can you tell the time?” she challenged. I walked up to the clock and said, “I’m not drunk.” Take my wife An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he’s going at this time of the night. The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.” At Wit’s End “Really?” The officer asks. “Who is giv- ing that lecture at this time of night?” “My wife,” replied the man. Frank P. Rockmart, Ga. Beyond his years A bald, wizened, little man was rock- ing in a chair on his porch, smiling happily. A passerby, charmed by his smile, came up to him and said, “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What’s your secret for a long, happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” the old man said with a toothless grin. “I drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fast food and never exercise.” “No way! How old are you?” “Twenty-six.” Bob M., Green Valley, Ariz. aagrapevine.org 59 GRAPE_59.indd 59 4/4/11 1:02 PM