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Grapevine : June 2011
Thank God a friend was there and took us to his home where we stayed the night. As soon as I sobered up, I called their dad and took a cab home. I was so horrified at what I had done that I told him I would leave and never see my kids again. I couldn’t save or protect them from me anymore. I couldn’t take any more chances, so I got help in a re- hab outpatient program. I stayed dry for a month, and fig- ured I knew what was going on with me. I had been okay for that long, one drink couldn’t possibly hurt me now. I went out job hunting, ready to get my life together, and spent the day driving around picking up tons of applications. Heading back to the house, I figured I could stop by the bar, grab a drink, fill the applications out and take them back. Well, need- less to say, I never even filled them out. I took off in my car and was gone for two days. To this day, I have no idea where I went. I got home and felt bad enough to behave for another three weeks. My husband said I was doing well and gave me a couple of dollars to go across the street and have a couple of beers. Off to the races I went, only this time, in a blackout. Some cops tried to pull me over. I turned my car around and drove after them, chas- ing them through a field. They man- aged to stop me from killing myself and locked me up. I came out of my blackout handcuffed on a cot in a lit- tle room. An officer came in and told me what happened and asked who they should call. It took forever for me to give them my husband’s name and number. I was scared to death, hoping they would lock me up so I couldn’t drink again. I thought that was my only hope. I could not stop drinking and I could not die. My husband and law- yer told me to go to AA meetings so the court would be more lenient on me.SoIwenttoAAandfoundmy hope and salvation. I have not found it necessary to drink for 22 years. When I think back on all these events, I have a hard time fooling myself. For this drunk, when I put booze in me, it’s all or nothing. I pray that I keep this reality with me un- til the day I die. But until that day arrives, this drunk is going to keep coming back. May those who come to know the truth never forget it. Barbara D. Mulberry, Fla. I would come out of adrunkadayorso later, hating myself for being so weak and evil, wondering how I let it happen again. I’d have to keep drinking just to stand being in my own skin. 36 June 2011 GRAPE_34-36.indd 36 4/21/11 4:05 PM