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Grapevine : July 2011
I wasn't too happy about being there. What got me angrier was that everyone there was happy to be there. How can all these people be so happy about not drinking? At the time, my best friend was a soothing, cold beer. You see, I was really going to miss the days and nights of endless drink- ing and getting absolutely nothing accomplished. It was going to be re- ally sad not feeling tired and useless. I was going to pine for the real friends I used to have, you know, the ones who stole my money off the bar when I wasn't looking and told me I was fine to drive home when I couldn't remem- ber my name. Oh, how I would yearn for the extra 25 pounds I was carrying around with me. I was going to miss hating myself and everyone else ... Wait. What the hell was I saying? That night, when I got home, I was still grumbling about all those shiny, happy people. Did I open that book they gave me? No. Did I read any of the information or pamphlets they'd given me? No. Was I ready to make the commitment or even say the words, "My name is Jackie and I am an alcoholic?" Hell to the no! I wasn't ready, but I got up the next morning and went to my second meeting. Again, I was surrounded by happy, laughing, hugging, smiling, buzzing-around-with-energy people. I sat alone, sulking, feeling very out of place. A few asked for my name and welcomed me. I was still not sure about the whole AA thing. Later, at home, I went online and searched around for other ways to quit drinking. The next morning, again, I got myself out of bed and went to a meeting. This one was different. The group was smaller, more intimate. It was day number three of sobriety and I was starting to feel different. One of the members read a portion of Chapter Five entitled "How It Works," which I'd heard twice before. This time, however, something happened. I still get chills when I think about it. When he read, "There is one who has all power and that one is God. May you find Him now," a wash of serenity came over me like I had never felt be- fore. A weight was lifted off my chest. My obsession with alcohol vanished. I went to two more meetings that day and started reading the Big Book that night. I got a sponsor and started reading everything I could about get- ting and staying sober. This was going to work because I was finally commit- ted to making it work. That was 15 months ago and I haven't had or wanted a drink since. Yes, I am now one of those twin- kling, happy people. I don't miss my old pal beer, those feelings of useless- ness or the 25 pounds I have shed. I have real friends for the first time inmylifeandIloveme.Iamhigh on Alcoholics Anonymous and feed my addiction daily with meetings and service. Jackie C. Carefree, Ariz. aagrapevine.org 45