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Grapevine : September 2011
GAME OVER WHEN he was 34, my al- coholic husband com- mitted suicide on our wedding anniversary. He had decided that our family would be better off without him. In the 13 years we were married, I'd become familiar with a life that re- volved around alcohol and drug use. I never drank as much as he did, but I was using drugs. Financial instabil- ity, verbal and physical abuse, infideli- ties and sporadic threats of suicide plagued our chaotic marriage. He spent many late nights at the bar, and sometimes wouldn't even come home. Desperate phone calls would either go unanswered or were responded to with appeasing lies. I resented him and his drinking, thinking all our problems were the result of it. I didn't consider that my drinking and drug use contributed to our problems until I quit drinking and using and I blamed him until the day he died. In 2007, when I found him in our backyard after he'd taken his life, my whole world went numb. Thankfully, the kids were visiting their grandpar- ents in California. I was emotionless, The blame game ended when her husband took his life DEALING WITH LOSS 24 September 2011