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Grapevine : October 2011
relapsed a few weeks before my 19th birthday. I stayed out for two months and realized that even if I didn't feel like killing myself, even if I had all the things I wanted and was fit and healthy, that alcohol and drugs were not going to clean up the mess I cre- ated. I was throwing my life away. Maybe, just maybe, I don't know so much about living life. Today I am in service every sin- gle day---from the moment I wake up tothehourIgotobed.TodayItryto be honest with myself so that I know what my real intentions are. At first being thoroughly honest was hard. I didn't like admitting to humans, God and myself the exact nature of my defects. I still don't like admitting that I'm powerless over everything and everyone. I still don't accept that my life is unmanageable on a daily basis. But all of this is be- coming easier for me to do by prac- ticing it and following suggestions from my sponsor. Whenever things get hard, or I don't want to follow through with a suggestion, I simply humble myself to my Higher Power and say, "Just for today." That helps me live in the moment, and accept that---just for today---AA is my reality. I didn't need meds to stay sober, just a Higher Power, a spiritual path and someone to hold my hand through it all. AA has given that to me. Eduardo C. San José, Calif.