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Grapevine : November 2011
CONFIDENT AND GRATEFUL REPRINTED FROM GRAPEVINE MAGAZINE, AUGUST 1966 IBELIEVE that if there is such a thing as an alcoholic personality I had it long before I ever started to drink. My parents separated in 1957 and I was glad because my father had made life miserable for both my mother and me. However from that experience I developed an overwhelming hatred for my father and the world. It seems to me now that at that time the world stopped and I got off; I never again felt "with" anything or anyone until I came into AA in January of this year. When I was about fifteen I had a very bad cold. A girl I went to high school with told me that a shot of whiskey was the thing. I not only took a shot that night but my mother had to help me to bed. I don't remember drinking again until I finished high school and started to work. Then the party weekends started. I went away on weekends just to drink. I had no other interests. I did not dance, swim or ski so there was no reason for me to go on these weekends except to drink. I had an aunt, uncle and cousins in Connecticut. I began to visit them. For the first time I began to see what it was like to belong to a family. They all drank, so I drank. I felt this was the thing to do. I couldn't belong unless I drank. As I look back I remember al- ways feeling lonely. I felt so lonely that I used to pray for a friend---not friends, just one friend. At last I found that one friend, and I was so grate- ful that I was putty---and lost nearly $300 which was never returned. After that experience, if I was not a cynic before I suddenly became one. BITTERNESS After working at a job which I hated for nearly two and a half years I quit it and went to college. I drank through- out college but didn't think very much about it. I graduated in 1961 hoping to find a job doing some sort of writing. I found that my only real assets were typing and stenography---which I had had from high school. I had entered college bitter, I came out bitter, and continued to feel ever-increasing bit- terness. I got a job which I really didn't An alcoholic's story aagrapevine.org 13