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Grapevine : November 2011
I was left standing alone in my room, wondering where the hell to go. Where can you go in this world when the person you hate the abso- lute most is yourself ? I crawled into bed and slept all night through. I told my friend at work the next morning what had happened. The tears wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. She drove me home and we met my mom and sisters. I came clean that I had been drinking. I ad- mitted that I needed help. I could barely speak. I was still so ashamed. I told them I wanted to quit once and for all. They hugged me and lis- tened patiently. I haven't had a drop since. That was 497 days ago. I have been sober for a year and a half. After I confessed, I spent the holidays on house arrest. Nothing says good old-fashioned family Christmas like house arrest! My family drove me to and from work, and I was prohib- ited from going out. I wasn't even allowed to have unsupervised trips to the gas station. It was a pain, but one that was necessary and came from love. Lord knows I could end up drunk 1000 miles east of the Mis- sissippi if I went out on my own. After house arrest, I started go- ing to AA meetings. A woman picked me up for my first meeting; she lived in the neighborhood and drove a reg- ular car. We drove to a church down the road, and as she pulled into the parking space, I started to laugh. She asked me what was funny. I told her I had crashed my car in that exact spot just six months ago. This was my second time at this church. The first time I was drunk in my car and rolled into a ditch. I laughed. I guess it's in the stars---this drunk Irish girl is destined to be here, alive and sober. It hasn't been easy. In some ways it has been the longest year of my life. Having to feel has been painful. Learning to deal with life sober has been tough, and getting honest with myself and the world has been unbelievably chal- lenging. But all the tears, struggles and loneliness aside, sobriety has been the most rewarding experi- ence. I don't know if it took a bad relapse, landing in Florida with a strange man, the thousand second chances, God, my family, my friends, or the glaring signs telling me to get sober. I honestly don't care. But something, somehow worked---today I am sober! Eileen G. St. Paul, Minn. Where can you go in this world when the person you hate the absolute most is yourself ? For more stories like this, visit aagrapevine.org /topic/young-people aagrapevine.org 47