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Grapevine : December 2011
my disease. I still felt that my drink- ing was normal. Still, deep down I wanted to stop. I’m not sure how, but I began praying to God, asking for his help over and over again. Shortly after that I went to see a coun- selor. She had me do an assessment. When she returned to the room, she told me that I was an alcoholic. I honestly thought that she had my assessment results mixed up with someone else’s. My image of an alcoholic was a drunk in a trench coat staggering down an alley with a bottle in a brown paper bag. Eventually, I went into a 30-day treatment program. I did everything they told me to do until I got out into the real world. I thought I was cured. I did manage to stay sober for nine months when I found out I was pregnant. Even- tually I went back out, and within two years, the progres- sion of my disease had spun to a point to which I never would have imagined. I had to drink no matter what I did. I would drink before all of my son’s activities, mov- ies, plays—anything. I started smoking crack cocaine. I left my son home alone at night. I smoked crack at work and drank in the car after work before going out. I would do anything so I didn’t have to feel. It got so bad that one day I called my boss and told her ev- erything. She put me on a leave of absence. Two days later, a S.W.A .T. team broke into my house, and I went to jail. I lost my aagrapevine.org 37 GRAPE_36-38.indd 37 10/28/11 2:23 PM