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Grapevine : January 2012
the floor for a day and a half. my first thought was, Damn! I can’t even do this right. I realized that once again, I had a decision to make. With an evic- tion notice pinned to my door, I had to decide what I was going to do. All I could think of was my family. I picked up the phone and called AA. Two older gentlemen showed up at my door within the hour. They did not seem surprised by the mess in my apartment. They just smiled and said, “What do you want to do? Where would you like us to take you?” They drove me to the hospital and sat with me. Something felt very different this time. I felt calm, peaceful and safe. maybe it was because I had nothing left to lose. I called one of the men and asked him to be my sponsor. He said yes immediately, and then asked me, “Are you willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober?” “Yes,” I replied, and actually felt completely sure of my answer. We made plans to get together for dinner with a few other men in AA on the day I was discharged. That dinner was not quite what I had expected, to say the least. They made all of the things I had been through seem trivial, and many of the things they told me I would need to do seemed ridiculous or impossible. my heart was pounding, and all I wanted to do was hit one of them, but I stayed. I was furious. Once I finally calmed down, the things they had said began making sense. After all, they were the ones who knew how to stay sober. I felt like a 27-year-old child. I had no job, no car, no driver’s license, no money, and was being kicked out of my apartment. I was told that I needed to be- lieve in “a power greater than myself.” Knowing the difficulty I was having with the “Higher Power” issue, my sponsor suggested that I get down on my knees every morning and night and say a prayer. Whether I believed in the prayer or not, I should just wait and see what happened. I always be- lieved that there was either a rational, scientific explanation for everything or that good things happened based on pure luck. Despite all of the dan- gers I had encountered in the past, self-imposed or otherwise, I was still alive and well. The idea that it was all due to luck was just too farfetched for me. Thus began my belief in a Higher Power. By following the suggestions they gave me, I began to celebrate anni- versaries. First came a week, then 30 days, 90 days, six months—and finally a year. my mother showed up at my home group for my one-year anniver- My heart was pound- ing, and all I wanted todowashitoneof them, but I stayed. I felt like a 27-year- old child. aagrapevine.org 27 GRAPE_22-29.indd 27 11/22/11 3:56 PM