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Grapevine : December 2011
I was born and raised in a supper club, so needless to say alcohol was very accessible. My first taste of alcohol was when I was an infant, and it was rubbed onto my gums. My first drink was at age 13 at my sister’s wedding. I wanted to fit in. I got very sick. I feel as though my life was unmanageable from the day I was born, since my mom was very ill and my dad was busy running a business. I know now that he was doing the best he could. In the mean- time, I hung out at the local grocery store, dime store or with whoever would have me. When I went to school, my rou- tine was to get a bottle of cheap wine and drink it until I puked. I would then go to the local pool hall and make a complete fool of myself. At the time, I thought it was the cool thing to do. After barely graduating from high school, my life continued Ser v ice set her free Incomprehensible demoralization brought a jailed mom to AA, but learning to help others kept her here to spin out of control. I con- tinued drinking and drug- ging and tried a geographi- cal move to Appleton, Wis. I thought it would be different there. Within a short time I was working as a bartend- er. I was blackout drinking and planning my hangovers. I got very sick. I began doing things I said I would never do. I blamed it all on everything, except for me and my disease (my mother’s death, being sexually abused). I asked God, “Why would you do this to me?” Deep in my heart I wanted to stop. I tried some controlled drink- ing and promised I would drink only wine. This experiment of course did not work. I sincerely thought I was having a nervous breakdown, as I would not relate my loss of control to OUR PERSONAL STORIES ILLUSTRATIONbyDAvIDR. 36 December 2011 GRAPE_36-38.indd 36 10/28/11 2:23 PM